I’ve found in the marriage counseling area of my hypnosis practice that if the courting of each person is not continued throughout the entire relationship, not just in the early phases, the marriage will not blossom and flourish. And if the relationship is not a happy one, possibly at least one of the parties will tire of it and then they might find themselves in a courtroom.
Respect must be at the center of every marriage. I’m not just talking about opening car doors, pulling out chairs and being polite, but respect for each other’s dreams, desires and opinions. Often the parties complain they can’t communicate, when the fact is that they do communicate! It’s that they really don’t care what the other party desires. Each wants to get their own way, and what they want is to make the other person do what they want. They believe the only way to be happy is to get their own way.
This behavior started out when they only were a few days old. They found that if their diapers were wet or dirty and they cried, someone came and made them comfortable. They also found that if they were hungry and cried, they were fed. If they had stomach gas and cried, someone burped them. They then found out that if they were just lying in the crib bored and they cried, someone picked them up and gave them the attention they wanted. They learned and taught those around them that if they cried they wanted a toy, attention or their own way. Unfortunately, some parents always gave in to that crying and reinforced that behavior. This child developed a feeling of entitlement.
Later when they began to date, they found that there were qualities and habits in the other person that they liked and some habits drove them up the wall. Not a problem… they’ll change that other person. They may or may not have moved on from crying to more advanced methods of manipulation, but one way or another they tried to change the other person. When they didn’t prevail they can become distant, withheld affection, with-held love and then sex. Guess what? None of these approaches work.
These principles don’t just apply to my hypnotherapy practice for marriage counseling, they apply everywhere.
Wouldn’t it be nice if the other person could be changed into what we would like them to be? But you can’t change ANYONE else’s behavior, you can only change yours! Guess what? You’ll like it and so will your partner in life. Most often when we change ourselves, our husband, wife or partner will change their behavior on their own. No one likes to be told what to do or be made to do it. That isn’t the way we want it to be, but that is the way it is.
Can a marriage or relationship that’s gone sour be turned around? Yes, but both parties must understand that each has changes in their behavior that need to be made. Behavioral changes can only be made in the cognitive maps that reside in our subconscious. This especially applies to marriage counseling and the changes that need to happen. Changes lasting more than a couple of hours must be made in the subconscious mind not the conscious mind. One cannot make behavioral changes in their conscious mind, only in their subconscious. And… the only way to access the subconscious is through hypnosis. Hypnosis is the bridge to the subconscious mind.
I have found in my hypnotherapy practice in Atlanta Georgia that it would be helpful if the people that one gets in relationships with, would carry a warning label that read; “all sales final… please choose carefully.” People allow themselves not only to get into, but to stay in relationships where they’re unhappy. As a hypnotherapist, I also see a number of single people that are in unhappy relationships and marriages. I ask them “you are staying in this relationship because?” instead of stating the reason why, they cite an example of the partner’s shortcomings. I ask the question yet again. “You are staying in this relationship because?” They then cite another example of the other person’s inconsideration. Why don’t they just get out? In my hypnotherapy practice in Atlanta, I deal with people that are physically abused. Why don’t they get out either? Why don’t they leave?
There are several reasons. One - They feel that may never find someone else and then they’ll be alone. Being alone frightens many people, but being alone is preferable to being with the wrong person. Two - People like to keep things familiar. There’s been much talk about the term “comfort zone.” This writer believes that ”comfort zone” is a misnomer. Many people are miserable in their so called comfort zone. What it should be called is the familiar zone because people like to keep things familiar.
Is there anything that one can do if they are in a sour marriage before pulling the plug? Actually there is. Understand this, both you and your partner will have to make behavioral changes. This must be done in the subconscious mind. There are very few people that don’t respond well to tenderness, consideration, thoughtfulness and kindness. The only way for anyone to make long lasting behavioral change is in their subconscious, and the only way to deliberately access the subconscious mind is in hypnosis.
If you are hurting, if your marriage is broken or you want it to be the way you always hoped it would be, call Bob Crow at 404.277.1827 for a complimentary consultation.
Watch this video on marriage counseling